Your time is sacred. Your wellbeing is paramount.
If you are like me, this month’s article is for you.
If you are like me, the people in your life probably describe you as kind, generous, and always there for them in times of need. You are the person everyone turns to when they have troubles to discuss, or children to mind, or committees to fill, or volunteers to muster. And, if you are like me, you oblige every single time.
If you are like me, you find the word “no” almost impossible to say. You change your schedule and expend most of your energy in order to help, support, and comfort those around you. You are drawn to those in need and forgive transgressions against you because you “don’t want to judge”.
If you are like me, you very rarely ask for help and only do so with huge apology.
If you are like me, then your commitment to others can sometimes be so overwhelming that, in private times, you feel drained, exhausted, and resentful. In these times of emptiness, you may take it out on those closest to you — your spouse and children — or you may cry silently alone due to the pressure and stress.
If you are like me, you have been taught that “being of service” is the greatest form of humility, and you can sometimes pursue this ethos until it makes you mentally, emotionally, and (sometimes) physically ill.
If this is you, and you are like me, then I implore you to read the following paragraphs carefully because it is vital for you to know that Self is as important as Service.
“Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self-neglecting.”
Throughout the evolution of human spirituality, we have been repeatedly reminded of the need to be generous, thoughtful, and altruistic. However, many of us (especially women) have taken this mantra to the extreme. In our rush to give everything we have away, we have forgotten that it is important—and inherently good—to keep something for ourselves in order to nurture our own inner health and wellbeing.
If you are like me, then you have forgotten (or have never been told) that there is one person deserving of your love, generosity, and attention more than anyone else on the planet …YOU… and it is important to ensure that your needs, your desires are always met first.
Now, let me very clear about this: self-love, (or as I call it, self-fullness), does not offer a golden ticket to greed, selfishness, and apathy, but it does mean that we each need to love ourselves passionately; to give ourselves permission to ensure that we are nurtured emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Then, when we are “full’ — when our needs are met — it becomes incredibly easy and incredibly natural to give to those around us.
There are four times when it is vital to put Self above Service and, if you are like me, I encourage you to discern when your actions fall into the following categories:
1. When you are rescuing, not helping: It is vital to remember that life is all about experience, and there will be times when our help or generosity actual hinders the personal and spiritual growth of another person. By giving them continual financial help, they may never learn the value of money. By providing constant emotional support, they may never learn to tap into their own inner strength. By continually offering our time, they will never have the opportunity to prioritise their obligations and demands.
2. When you are only doing it because you “should”: If you truly want to help — or give your time, or support — then deep inside you will have all of the resources needed to complete the task; your generosity or selflessness will be coming from a place of inner “wholeness” and will only serve to lift your spirits further. However, if you are only doing something because you should, then you are probably lacking in some of your own needs. It’s time to put yourself first and preserve your time and energy for more authentic pursuits.
3. When you are fulfilling someone else’s dream: We each arrive on this planet with the perfect talents, desires, and energy levels required for us to fulfill an important role in this wondrous tapestry of life. If you find yourself investing all of your time and energy into someone else’s dream, you can be sure that you are robbing us all of something uniquely wonderful. Remember, Mother Theresa was able to give as she did because she felt constantly “filled up” by God’s love. She was living her purpose, and all that she did for humanity, she did because she wanted to. Your purpose will be different but just as important.
4. When you are depressed, anxious or physically ill: Your body is designed to be your feedback mechanism. Are you listening? If you are unwell or depleted in any way, it is your body’s response to an inherent imbalance in the way you live your life. Injuries can also be your body’s way of telling you that your habit of carrying others (back, shoulders), lifting others (arms, hands,) or investing in others’ momentum (legs and feet) is unhealthy for you.
Many of us, in our modern lives, have become disconnected from the concept of natural timing and life’s innate rhythms. Throughout late 2025, I am exploring what it means to have a healthy relationship with time and the natural cadence of life. This month, I am sharing insights about the sanctity of our schedules and how we can protect our personal time for greater wellbeing. Join me on Instagram or Linkedin for regular updates and insights.