Eudaemonia Podcast: Transcript
Ryan Stanley is a life purpose, business and internal corporate coach, and author of Be Patient, Be Present, Be Joyful, which he describes as a first aid kit for the emotional bumps, scrapes, and bruises of life. On this episode, Kim Forrester and Ryan discuss the importance of patience, and why nurturing a sense of serenity is vital for personal growth and well-being.
Kim Forrester 0:00
According to one British study, most people these days are only happy to wait 16 seconds for a web page to load, 25 seconds for a traffic light to change, and around three days for an exciting parcel to arrive in the mail. But how long are we willing to wait for our cherished dreams and personal goals to fall into place? I’m Kim Forrester. You’re listening to the Eudaemonia podcast, and today, we’re going to explore the power of patience.
Welcome to Eudaemonia, the podcast that is all about flourishing. Plug in, relax and get ready for the goodness as we explore the traits and practices that can help you thrive in life … with your host Kim Forrester.
Kim Forrester 0:50
Ryan Stanley is a life purpose, business, and internal corporate coach, and a lifelong entrepreneur. He’s globally recognised for his ability to connect with those who are willing to make significant changes in their personal and professional lives so they can end up being the best versions of themselves. Ryan is the author of Be Patient, Be Present, Be Joyful, which he describes as a first aid kit for the emotional bumps, scrapes, and bruises of life. It’s my absolute pleasure to be chatting with Ryan today to explore the importance of patience, and to learn why nurturing a sense of serenity is vital for personal growth and well-being. Ryan Stanley, welcome to the Eudaemonia podcast. Thanks for being here today.
Ryan Stanley 1:34
Kim, it is truly my honour. Super excited. Looking forward to it all morning long.
Kim Forrester 1:39
I love that so much. Now, Ryan, in your delightful little book, you share teachings about patience, presence, and joy, and patience comes first. And I did wonder if there was a reason for that. Why have you placed patience at the beginning of your book? In your view, is patience a key concept that perhaps unlocks other aspects of well-being?
Ryan Stanley 2:03
Yeah, absolutely. Great question. So yes, is the short answer to the second part of your question. The first part is … I mean, so when we look at patience, we look at presence, we look at joy, I believe that patience is one thing that – whether it comes from having patience or not having enough patience – it’s something that everybody can appreciate. And you know, as I’m writing a book for the world, right, I wrote for myself as much as I did for the rest of the world. But when looking at something that everybody can access, and hopefully learn from and glean from, I think everybody can at some point, say, you know, “I’m not I’m not patient enough”, or “I haven’t been patient recently”, or “I know what it’s like to be impatient”, or “I know someone who is impatient”. When you start getting into presence, sometimes people would push that off as maybe like a Swami; like a guru. Like, I have to be a monk to know what presence is and to be present. And so patience, I figured, was a place that everybody can start and think about what it’s like to be patient – or impatient for that matter.
Kim Forrester 2:57
Oh, that’s great. So you connected with the people somewhere where you knew they would understand. And you’re right. We all understand what it is to be impatient. We all know people who are particularly patient, and I must say, I look up to those people, quite simply. You teach that patience is a choice.
Ryan Stanley 3:13
Kim Forrester 3:14
So what are we choosing when we choose not to be patient? Right? So when we choose to be impatient, what emotions or experiences are we inviting into our life in that moment?
Ryan Stanley 3:26
Yeah, it’s a great question. So really, sometimes the challenge is we’re not necessarily making a choice not to be patient. And I think that is the biggest challenge in general. So to your question, it’s like, when we’re making a choice not to be patient, typically, it’s a reaction. And so that reaction is really coming from a place of lack; lack of time, lack of presence. So when you are choosing not to be patient, you are choosing not to trust in the outcome. You are choosing not to trust in life itself as something that can sustain – and really that goes much deeper – but as something that cannot sustain and take care of you. But in the grand scheme of things, patience is recognising that there is only now, and to not worry about the future. And by the way, that doesn’t mean sit on your hands and do nothing, and just do nothing all day long. Quite the opposite. It’s more about deciding who you want to be while you’re waiting for life to unfold. And instead of feeling overwhelmed, or pressure, or stress, you instead step into gratitude for the now. And recognising that everything will unfold exactly as it’s supposed to. And my job is to be the best version of myself in the meantime. And to be honest with you, in most cases, when you’re not being patient, you’re also choosing not to be happy. Right? And on some level, again, going back to that place of lack, you’re choosing to be a person who does not have enough.
Kim Forrester 4:40
Absolutely. I have spent my life being a ‘doer’, Ryan. So I know what it is to be busy and to be doing. And then, for the last 21 years, that has sort of been exacerbated by being a busy mum. So I know what it is to be impatient. I know what it is to lose my nut at someone because they’re going slow in front of me in the fast lane. Right? “Get out of my way.” And for me, as you’re speaking there, I could see that for me, impatience is definitely anger, which is quickly followed by shame, because that is not the kind of person that I want to be.
Ryan Stanley 5:15
Kim Forrester 5:15
It’s interesting that you were talking about, you know, running out of time. It is something that most people on this planet absolutely can connect with and understand. And you are actually careful to explain that we are the creators of our life. So why do you feel, if we are able to create our life – in all sorts of degrees – why do we struggle with creating the timing of our lives? If we’re in charge of our life direction, why are we not in charge of our life timing, Ryan?
Ryan Stanley 5:44
Yeah, that’s a great question as well. Because I think we have expectations, especially in 2020, where we live. We’re able to get everything so quickly. Right? You get … I can get an email from somebody on the other side of the world in two seconds. Whereas even 30 years ago, you know, you had to wait many days to get any correspondence from someone. I mean, obviously, there was telephone. But, you know, now we get so much information so quickly, that people are just used to being – whether it be Amazon, whether it be just getting information, Google on their phone – you could be out, you know, out in the woods somewhere, if you have a question about something, you just pick up something in your pocket to get information. So there is that sense of needing and wanting everything now. But I think the challenge, and I love that the the example that you brought up about being stuck in traffic or having somebody go slow in front of you. That was one of … my first big a-ha moments came from being stuck in traffic, in regards to patience. Where I was late for an important event in New York City and there was somebody who I was excited to meet, but it was really important for me to be there. And it was just I had gotten – again, to your point, being a dad, I think there were some things that slowed me up at home – and then I just ended up stuck in traffic due to construction or something. And I found myself just being so stressed and so overwhelmed. And then I finally said – I just stopped for a moment and I said – “What’s the worst case scenario? I’m sitting here spinning out. It’s gonna take me, let’s say, 45 more minutes to get to New York City at this point. I’m going to spend … I could spend the next 45 minutes being angry and stressed and overwhelmed, or I could be here and recognise the gift of life and listen to some music or think thoughts that are … How do I want the rest of the night to go?” And the other point came when I realised that there’s been many times where I’ve been late for a meeting or a gathering or something, and when I got there, it didn’t make a difference. I remembered being stressed the whole way they’re getting there and maybe the person who I was going to meet was late as well, or the rest of the night went off to be an amazing night. And so therefore, I spent all this time in stress, and overwhelm, and anger at something that didn’t even serve my life.
Kim Forrester 7:37
If we are trying to manifest a huge dream, if we’re working towards a goal, I think there is the sense that we should be able to, if we are … Well, actually, it’s more along the lines of that, if we’re doing things right, we should be able to control the absolute timing. It’s almost like if we write a two year plan, or a five year plan, there is some voice inside our head that is saying “You are in control of that timing”. Right? If you are doing everything right, then everything will fall into place. Exactly the dates that you think they’re going to happen on the calendar. What’s going on there, Ryan? And how can we imbue a bit of sense of patience into the pace of life?
Ryan Stanley 8:18
Yeah, so the combination there’s what’s important. Right? So I mean, I certainly believe it’s important to set goals. Set specific timing goals, as well. The important part though is, when they don’t come to fruition, instead of being angry or frustrated or disappointed, instead be grateful for the outcome, right, that you want to occur. Look for the lessons that have occurred over the time. And again, specifically back to that space where, let’s just say, just to make it shorter, I wanted something to happen by next Tuesday. Next Tuesday. And I’m working towards it every single day. I’m doing what I believe to be all the right things. A lot of the time, many people out there will spend the next seven days thinking about how it’s not going to happen. Even though I’m working hard and being stressed that it’s not going to happen in time. So they’re actually being impatient the whole time anyway. And then from a quantum physics, you know, perspective, that’s exactly what you’re creating – more reasons to be impatient. As opposed to spending those seven days, to your point, still doing the work still showing up on purpose, getting the activity done that will bring it to next Tuesday. With, instead of being worried that it’s not going to happen, but the opposite – of gratitude for it unfolding, when and how it’s supposed to. And then, when you get to that Tuesday, in the case that it doesn’t happen, know that I’ve done my part as a co-creator in life. I’ve done by part by showing up as often as possible, intentionally, with purpose, with gratitude, and allow life to unfold the way it’s supposed to. Because sometimes – and this often comes up in hindsight – but had things happened exactly the way we wanted them to, on the day that we wanted to, it wouldn’t have turned out for our best. And so when we start stepping into gratitude for life itself and our ability to create whatever outcome we want, and then let go of the timing … I mean, it’s important to know what we want to do, but allow the timing to unfold the way it’s actually supposed to.
Kim Forrester 10:03
I like that. I have this saying that we are in charge of our lives, but we’re never in control. I think that’s kind of what you’re saying there. We can set a goal, set a timing, for sure. But understand that you are not necessarily in control of all of the elements. But you’re definitely in charge of how you go through your life as you work towards that timing in that goal.
Ryan Stanley 10:21
Absolutely. And who you want to be, in every single moment, up until then.
Kim Forrester 10:24
Because there is only now, Ryan.
Ryan Stanley 10:27
One hundred percent.
Kim Forrester 10:28
Let’s go back to … you were just talking about there about this modern world where everything is at our fingertips whenever we want it. And I think it’s become quite self evident that we are an incredibly entitled generation when it comes to the timing and instantaneous delivery of things that we want in life. Do you feel that we have lost a connection with patience that perhaps our grandparents enjoyed? And if so, do you feel it’s possible to reclaim a sense of patience in this hyper-immediate society?
Ryan Stanley 10:59
So I would say yes, yes, and yes. I think, in general, to your point, we are in an immediate society and people do want stuff now. And so and I think we have lost … even just like, I don’t know how many people look forward to going to their mailbox now. But when talk about our grandparents, it was like, “Oh, my gosh, I can’t wait to possibly get some correspondence from a friend I haven’t talked to in a while”. Now, you’re just getting bombarded. You can get that whenever you want on the phone. You’re getting bombarded by junk in the mail. And I think there was a different way. I think, older generations – or generations past – did look at … spend more time in nature; spend more time looking around at the world around them, because that was more of what they had. That was what was right in front of them, right now. And they weren’t necessarily, you know, getting everything they needed, everything they wanted, immediately. But, or ‘and’ I should say, to the third part of your question. I feel like I’m a perfect example intentionally of what you just asked. Like, is it a possibility for us to become more aware of the value of patience and seek it out? And I think more and more people are. And that was also my intention with the book; make people aware that they have the ability, right, to your point, of bringing up that we are all creators. We’re always creating something. And so it really just becomes about being curious and asking yourself, “What type of a human being am I creating today? Am I creating a person who’s impatient, or am I creating a person who’s patient?” And people will say, “Well, maybe I’m being impatient, but that’s because this happened. And that person, and this person said they were going to do this.” And all of a sudden, they’re blaming everything that is happening outside of them. I guess it’s important to be aware of what’s happening outside of you but what’s more important is to be aware what’s happening inside of you. It doesn’t matter what’s going on outside of you, you can still choose to create a person who’s being patient, and be curious as to ‘how would a person who’s being patient behave in this moment?’. And when you start asking yourself questions like that, “What would it like to feel patience right now?”, you are, in a sense, becoming patient in the moment because you’re taking your mind off the stress or anxiety, whatever is not happening for you and, instead, just being curious as to what you can create from within.
Kim Forrester 12:58
That word choice, it came up again, and it feels so empowering. It feels so empowering, to conceive of this idea that we can actually choose to be more patient. We can choose to let go of the timing, be joyful and present in the moment and allow everything to unfold as it will.
Ryan Stanley 13:16
Yeah. And you know, one of the biggest challenges – and this is just human nature, from my experience – is that we believe that we’re working towards getting something to be happy. Right? So we’re striving – whether it be working, like you said, we’re being a doer, or perhaps working extra hard – we’re doing all these things in the sense that “When I finished this, I’ll either have enough money, or I’ll be in a relationship that I want to have, the career that I want.” We’re working, working, working towards some of these so that “I can one day be happy”. Or so they can one day retire, or “I can one day get to whatever this is”. You know, everybody’s going to be a little bit different. And that is a struggle. It is a chase. You’re chasing happiness, you’re chasing what you want. And you feel like “I have to do all that stuff to get that”. And it is a constant effort. And that’s why people feel impatient – because it’s not coming as soon as they wanted to. And they feel like it’s coming from the outside world; they have to chase it and chase it and chase it. Now, if you if you reverse engineer that and you say, “Well, in the in the end, I really just want to be happy. And that’s what I’m chasing” And you decide to recognise, “Okay, right now I have the choice.” Going back to your point about choosing. If I want to be happy right now, I want to sit and think about how would a happy person behave? How would a patient person behave? And I want to create that for the moment, and I start to build that habit of choosing who I want to be in every given moment. Because as you said earlier, there’s only now anyway. So who do I want to be right now? And when we start to do that, and step into it, you’re no longer chasing the outcome. You’re creating the outcome in the moment. And then all … and then the rest of the things that come along with that happiness tend to come to you instead of you having to chase them.
Kim Forrester 13:16
I love that and it reminds me of something that you wrote in your book, actually. You wrote that when we are no longer in a hurry, we no longer feel the pressure of the unknown. Now what on earth do you mean by that?
Ryan Stanley 14:55
Yeah, so totally. So we’re when we’re not in a hurry … So, all of us when we’re feeling impatient, we are feeling pressured, “I don’t know when it’s gonna happen. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I know I wanted it to happen yesterday.” And so you’re disappointed, you’re frustrated, you’re upset, because life is not happening exactly as you want it to. And so that’s the unknown. So I don’t know when it’s going to occur, I don’t know when I’m going to feel better. I don’t feel … like all these different things. And so that’s the unknown. But when we accept the unknown as something that is happening for us, and we accept the fact that we can decide who we want to be in the moment, no matter what the unknown is, we don’t feel pressure by it to be something else. We can instead recognise that right now, there is gravity, there is sunlight, there is oxygen, just so that I can exist today. So who do I want to be when I recognise – when I wake up in the morning and recognise – those things are here so I can exist today? Who do I want to be in that? Do I want to spend the next 16 to 18 hours stressed or overwhelmed because I’m not where I want to be? Or to want to recognise that this is literally a gift. and they’ll never be another day like it?
Kim Forrester 15:54
Ryan, when does patience become procrastination or avoidance? How can we tell if we’re using patience as an excuse for non-action, or as a justification, perhaps, for clinging on to something that is not meant for us?
Ryan Stanley 16:07
Yeah, that’s a great question, as well. So I think that – and I’m thinking out loud here – procrastination comes from a sense of … Like, it’s not like, “I’m just going to sit down and watch 16 hours of television”. Right? So procrastination comes when you choose to do other things that are not necessarily serving your purpose, or your action, or the outcome that you want. Being patient is recognising that I’m still going to work, and I’m still going to do what needs to be done. It is my responsibility to take action towards the direction of what I want to occur but I’m not angry that it’s not happening the day that I want it to occur, or the moment that I want to occur. I’m not blaming somebody else for their behaviour; I’m choosing to be who I want to be in the moment. So I think procrastination and avoidance are very different. I think you could probably rationalise your procrastination by calling it patience. But I don’t think patience is necessarily … I don’t think patience is necessarily procrastination. There are patient people who do not procrastinate.
Kim Forrester 17:04
Absolutely. I wonder if there is a way to discern the difference, though, because there are people – and I think that maybe we’ve all done it in our lives at some stage – used “Oh, I’m being patient” as an excuse to actually just not get off our butt and go do the thing that … you know. Or, “Oh, no, I’m being patient” instead of making those life changes that are really discomforting, that need to be made in order to start a new, you know, start a new journey or start a new phase of life. How can we tell the difference? And I’m going to ask you to think out loud again, maybe. But how can we tell when we’re sitting in that sense of avoiding life’s unnecessary actions? “Oh, I’m not going to worry about leaving this toxic relationship or this toxic friendship, I’m just gonna be patient and wait it out.”
Ryan Stanley 17:56
Yeah, that’s avoidance. Right? That’s a difference between patience. And that is rationalisation. So that’s the perfect example. And that’s somebody who’s not being honest with themselves as well. Right? So it’s one thing to say “I’m being patient”, but if at the same time, is the situation that I’m in serving my purpose, serving what I’m being patient towards, right? If I say, “Well, I’m not going to get out of this toxic relationship, because I’m being patient, it’s going to get better” it’s important, ask yourself a question. “Well, how true is that?” Or if you’re in a job, and I think that’s what you alluded to. It’s like I’m working on it. When is it time to let something go instead of just sit and be and say, “Well, it’ll happen eventually”. I think really, what it comes down to is, are you happy? And what I mean by that is, if you’re if you’re extremely unhappy in any relationship, there’s a difference between being patient and working towards it – and especially if the other person is working towards it, as well and you guys are being very communicative and vocal about what’s not working relationship and wanting to fix it and change. Or if you’re working for a company, and you’re just you hate your job every day/ “Well, it’s gonna get better, it’s gonna get better.” Chances are, it’s not about being patient. It’s just not going to get better and it’s time to make some changes. And there’s an opportunity to ask ourselves, you know, “Am I happy every day?” And I think that’s probably a clear difference, as I’ve kind of worked through this whole thing out loud. I think if you are unhappy, you’re typically not being patient. Right? In the sense that you’re just you’re masking your unhappiness as patience. But when your patient, you are here, now. And you are excited for the outcome, and you know, it’s going to show up as it’s supposed to, and you’re not worried about anything. But if you’re in a toxic relationship, or in a career you don’t like, and you’re just kind of waiting for it to get better, you’re not happy. And I mean, there’s some there’s things that you can do towards it. Obviously, one of them is leaving the relationship. But I think waiting something out that is not serving you on a day to day basis, you’re just creating more of that. I think that most people who procrastinate know they’re procrastinating and/or they’re not always necessarily patient. Typically they’re going to be impatient about something else. I haven’t come across too many people who are just kind of doing nothing and have told me that the reason they’re doing nothing is because they’re being patient. Most people who I find are doing nothing, are blaming life. “I didn’t have enough of this growing up”, or “I didn’t have enough of that”, or “I don’t have a good enough job”, or “I’m not in a good enough thing”, or all these reasons that life is happening to me. And those are the people who sit around and do nothing. I think there are also, on the other side of the coin, people who work so hard and are working 19 hours a day, but they’re angry the whole time. And they’re upset that life is not happening as fast as they want it to be. And so therefore, they’re not procrastinating at all, but they’re also not being patient.
Kim Forrester 20:34
Let’s talk about that word ‘waiting’. I think for many people, that’s exactly what patience feels like. It feels like nothingness or a waste of precious time, Ryan. Is there a better way for us to fill that in between time? And I think you may have touched on this anyway, through the interview. But are there behaviours or attitudes that we can adopt that enable us to become more comfortable with waiting for something to roll into our lives, whether it be two minutes away, or two years away?
Ryan Stanley 21:05
Yeah, I think just in general, to get a clear understanding of what you want your life to look like. I highly recommend everybody, anybody who’s listening to this, if you haven’t already, make some time today to literally write down exactly what you want your life to look like in all areas of your life – physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, environmentally. Everything around you. Choose what you want it to look like. Write it down. Write it down in the present tense. And I say this, because once you do that, you have a clear Northstar of who you want to be and where you want to go. The second thing I would do is, say that out loud, read it out loud, every single morning, and every night before you go to bed. Remind yourself of who you want to be. And the reason I say this in this place of patience is because, if you know for a fact where you want to go, and you know for a fact exactly what it looks like, and you’re reminding yourself and your subconscious of it every single day, multiple times, you don’t necessarily need to wait on anything because you know. You obviously, at that point, you will be taking action towards it. You are taking action towards it and you are creating gratitude – again, coming from a place of abundance instead of a place of lack – creating gratitude, not only for that outcome, whenever it unfolds, but also for your ability to co-create that outcome. You’re no longer spending time thinking about why it’s not happening because you are creating it and you know that it is happening. And so you go from this place of waiting for life to happen for you – or waiting for life to happen to you the way you’re expecting it to – to knowing that you are co-creating it, and the rest is happening for you.
Kim Forrester 22:33
That’s cool. I love that whole idea of sort of bringing it back to envisioning how you want your life to be – or how your life is, is what you’re saying. Write it in the present tense. Because when you’re in that space, you’re not only patient, but there seems to be a sense of trust in the process. Right? Trust in the way the universe, life, God, however you want to frame it, trust in that process and how it’s going to unfold. And sitting in the inevitability that what you want is going to come to you, or you will get to where you want to be. That does seem a lot more comfortable than stressing out and getting angry and shameful.
Ryan Stanley 23:09
Yeah, and because so many people spend so much of their time thinking about what they don’t have, and that it is not here yet. And that they … you know. As opposed to … I mean, I promise you that people who are spending time excited about what is coming into their life and know that they’re creating it, they’re not worried about it not happening. And whether I choose who I want to be, and it takes a week or 10 years, if I know for a fact that it’s going to unfold exactly as it’s supposed to, you know, I’m going to enjoy the process of being alive.
Kim Forrester 23:34
That’s cool. We’re not messing up our present moment with angst and stress.
Ryan Stanley 23:42
Yeah. Be here and now.
Kim Forrester 23:42
Yeah, absolutely. I’m going to ask a couple of personal questions now, because in your book, you ask the reader to imagine what patience feels like. Tell me, Ryan, what does patience feel like to you?
Ryan Stanley 23:54
You know, patience feels like freedom.
Kim Forrester 23:56
Ryan Stanley 23:57
I think it’s the shortest possible answer that I can come up with because it’s a space where you are not chained by disappointment. You’re not chained by fear of the outcome not happening as it’s supposed to. You’re not … you know, you are able to be free, and to be here, now, and to choose your thoughts. So I would say patience feels like freedom.
Kim Forrester 24:16
The Eudaemonia podcast is all about flourishing. How has your life been enhanced – how have you started to flourish – since you learned to become more patient?
Ryan Stanley 24:26
I think as a parent, as a husband, as a sibling, as a friend, my life has improved because of patience. At any point, especially I think most importantly, as I’m thinking out loud, in the space of parenthood. It’s ironic that my favourite thing about life is being a parent, but it is also my greatest opportunity for patience. I have a seven year old and a nine year old and, you know, they certainly… I might have to tell them the same thing 18 times, it feels like sometimes, in a day. And I, at the same time, you know, I never really understood what unconditional love was until I became a parent. And so I know how much I love these human beings. And I love and I’m very aware of my responsibility in being a guide and a light for them, and setting an example for them in every single moment. So yeah. And so knowing that I – even whether I know they’re listening, thinking, growing, learning from me or not, they are. Right? A,nd that every single moment, whether they’re in the other room, anytime I walk into a room, whether I’m speaking directly to them or not, they’re paying attention, they’re learning whether they know it or not. So when I get frustrated, I get stressed with them over, as you know, for behaving like a seven and a nine year old would. It’s funny, as adults, we expect our children to behave like adults in some capacity, and we get disappointed or impatient when they don’t. And so it has been a constant lesson for me. So I think my life has flourished because I’m very diligent about being aware of how I’m behaving in front of them, in particular, or towards them. And I often do become impatient, based on their their childish behaviour because they’re children. And so my life has flourished because once you’re able to control your anger, your stress, your impatience with a child – someone you love – you can start to do it anytime you want. And again, so then it flourishes because I start to build that muscle of patience, and choice, and self awareness in any given moment, in any situation. Where I have friends who might be angry, and they’re gonna be angry for the next three days over something. And by being patient, I recognise that not only is it being patient, but I’m sometimes patient with myself, right? So I can say, “It’s okay that this is not going the way that I wanted to.” And I can be patient, not necessarily with the situation but with myself. Personally, I know that I am showing up to the best of my ability, as often as possible. And when I know that, I can be patient with myself as well. And so my life flourished in so many different ways, because it gives you an understanding of choice and who you want to be in any given moment.
Kim Forrester 26:43
Yeah, that’s really cool. Ryan, my last question is one I ask every guest on the Eudaemonia podcast. Can you offer my listeners a morning reminder? This might be a simple ritual, or practice, a mantra, or an affirmation, something that can help my listeners tap into a greater sense of patience in their daily lives.
Ryan Stanley 27:02
Yeah, gratitude. So a practice that I brought up – and this just kind of happened gradually years ago – but when I wake in the morning, like when I literally am just becoming conscious that I’m in bed, I start creating gratitude for whatever I cqn. Like, literally right there: my pillows, my blankets, my wife, my bed, my bedroom. I start expanding: my home, my children, obviously, whoever’s in the home, my refrigerator is filled with food, my running water, my … I’m getting chills right now thinking about it. My car that’s in the driveway. So as I start expanding out, and I start realising as I’m just becoming aware of what my day is going to bring, creating gratitude for the day, and creating gratitude for my ability to experience that day. And when I start my – literally start my day off that way … It’s funny. Now I have built in such a habit that my subconscious does it automatically. Sometimes, the reason I’m waking up and becoming conscious of that I’m in bed is because my brain is thinking of gratitude; I’m starting to think that I’m grateful for things. And when you sit and when you start your day off in that way, you start to understand that everything in every single moment is a gift, you are more patient because there’s not a reason to be stressed. There’s not a reason to be overwhelmed. Don’t get me wrong, I have stressful days. As I mentioned, I have young children, but, or and, I’m also very aware that every single moment is a gift. And the more I’m aware of that, the less impatient I have any need to be.
Kim Forrester 27:09
Well this conversation has been a gift, Ryan. If people want to find out more about you and the work that you do, where can they find out more?
Ryan Stanley 28:30
Yeah, thank you so much for the opportunity to share that. So again, my name is Ryan Stanley and I say that because you can go to www.ryanstanley.com. A couple of different things. So if you want to purchase my book, which is called Be Patient, Be Present, Be Joyful, with the subtitle of first aid kit for the emotional bumps, scrapes and bruises of life, you can buy that on my website. There’s a button that says Be Patient, Be Present, Be Joyful. Feel free to click on that. If you do order a book from there, it’ll come signed from me and, depending on my availability, it will also come with a complimentary coaching session. But if you want to find it on Amazon and Barnes and Nobles, obviously everywhere books are sold, you can find it there as well. But yeah, ryanstanley.com is probably the best place to go. If you’re on social media, I’m on Facebook, I’m on Instagram, I’m on Twitter, and all those buttons will be on my website as well.
Kim Forrester 29:16
That’s awesome, and I would like my listeners to know that your book is a delightful little gem of a thing. It’s not like a big novel that they’re being asked to read. It really is a first aid kit that you have on your bedside table or take around in your handbag, and you can refer to in those moments when you’re seeking a little bit more presence, or patience, or joy. Ryan Stanley, thank you so much for gifting your time here today. I know you’re a busy dad and an amazing life coach. Thank you so much for giving me some of your time here today on the Eudaemonia podcast. It’s been a joy.
Ryan Stanley 29:48
Kim, really my pleasure and it’s a blessing as well. I don’t want to say I’ve been giving it; I’d say I’ve been sharing it. It’s been amazing to share some time and space with you. So thank you so much for having me. I hope that we can do it again.
Kim Forrester 29:58
As Benjamin Franklin once said, “He that can have patience can have what he will.” You have been listening to the Eudaemonia podcast. If you’d like to learn more about how to live a truly flourishing life, please subscribe and check out www.eudaemoniapod.com for more inspiring episodes. I’m Kim Forrester. Until next time, be well, be kind to yourself and be willing to let life come to you sometimes.